Positive Parenting

Your Toddler’s Temperament

Every person has a temperament, including your toddler. Temperament is your toddler’s distinct nature or character; it is “who he or she is.” Some children’s temperaments are obvious right from birth, while others will show over time. Your toddler’s temperament may be seen in a number of ways, such as activity level, how predictable he or she is, how she or he reacts to new situations, and adapts to things.

• Does your toddler react strongly or mildly to events?
• Is your toddler easily distracted or can your toddler focus well?
• What’s your toddler’s attention span like?
• How is your toddler‘s general mood?

Your temperament may not be the same as your toddler’s. If you’re active and out‑going, it may be harder for you to understand if your toddler is quiet and shy. If you love to spend time alone, it may be hard for you if your toddler always wants to play with you or other children. Learning to accept and work with your toddler’s temperament rather than trying to change it will make both your lives easier and more pleasant. Your home environment and who your toddler spends time with will have some effect on his or her temperament, but it is mostly just an inborn part of the kind of person your toddler is. Your job is to find ways to support him or her.

Ways to Help Your Toddler Work with His or Her Temperament

A toddler who tends to be shy or slow to warm up may take longer to get used to a new playgroup.

• Allowing your toddler to join in at a slower rate or play in a different way will help your toddler to develop those skills he or she will need.

If your toddler has lots of energy, provide ways to move around as much as possible and safely explore.

• If your toddler must be still for a period of time, provide playdough, books, or push toys to keep your toddler’s hands busy.

If your toddler tends to be easily frightened, talk to your toddler about his or her fears.

• Together think of ways to overcome fears, such as checking the closet together for monsters or holding your toddler on your lap when near a dog.

For a toddler of any temperament, it is important to provide routines and rituals so your toddler will know what to expect. Being able to predict daily routines may keep stress lower in times of change. Meaningful rituals may provide a sense of belonging and foster a sense of who your toddler is.

Temperament is your toddler’s way of being in the world, both socially and emotionally. How you and others respond to your toddler’s temperament can impact how your toddler feels about himself or herself as he or she grows. For more information, see pages 5‑7 of Toddler’s First Steps: A Best Chance Guide to Parenting Your 6‑ to 36‑ Month‑Old Child.